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Before I became a father, I was a son, a brother, and a nervous misguided child with no self esteem and no clue what life was all about. My father told me how big of a mess up I was and I soon came to believe him. My mother gave me love and encouragement and through her came the faith and belief that I was a good person with a good heart, and I was put on this Earth to do good things. My mother and her mother as well, had very strong standards and principles pertaining to loving each other and treating everyone with respect and compassion. Here are the 5 most important ideals that I grew up with and still apply to this very day. These are the values that shape our children’s character. These are a set of principles that they too will one day give this gift to their own children. Let’s start with Honesty.
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HONESTY: The first and possibly the most important principle of them all. The later in life that a child understands the importance of being honest, the more likely they are to find themselves in many situations that are painful and discomforting. They must understand that there are no exceptions to the rule, such as white lies, withholding the truth, or not telling things the way they really happened. Honesty leads on into our second principle.
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ACCOUNTABILLITY: It may sound harsh, but children must learn to take responsibility for their actions. Our kids have all the excuses in the world, although they forget that we were kids too and we’ve pretty much heard it all. They have to realize that there are very few legitimate excuses, but in general they need to apply our first principle, Honesty, and learn to tell it like it is. This is particularly important in our children’s school work. They must understand that they are the ones who need to make sure their homework’s done. This doesn’t excuse us parents from participating actively with our children’s school work, it only means that it’s their obligation to know their homework assignment, to bring home their study book, to do ALL their homework, and to be sure to turn it in to their teachers. If they aren’t fully adhering to our first principle of honesty, we can expect that our children will eventually fall into trouble at school, and as parents we must hold them accountable and not allow excuses or finger pointing. They messed up. They messed up and that’s part of life. We make mistakes and we suffer the consequences, but we must teach them a valuable lesson is to be learned here.
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RESPECT FOR OTHERS: When teaching our children important life principles, it is imperative to set an example of respect for others. Our children must understand that we are not to judge, criticize, label, disrespect, or hold prejudice towards any individual based on their looks, religion, financial status, beliefs or disabilities. This lesson must be taught by example, and should strictly be dealt with right away when these problems arise, and believe me they will arise. We must teach them that we are children of God and our purpose here is to love each other and to help one another. If you don’t strongly believe this your self, then be prepared for your children to grow up selfish, judgmental, and in all probability racist. Respect for others starts in the home, or may never start at all.
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GRATITUDE: Many of us take a lot of things in life for grant it, even more so with our children. They assume there will be will be taken care of and basically don’t have a care in the world. It is essential that our children realize that food doesn’t magically appear on the dinner table each night, and their playstations and game boys cost a lot of money that we as parents work very hard for. Children must understand how blessed and fortunate they are, especially children lucky enough to be living in the U.S.A, as opposed to the millions and millions of children who not only don’t have the luxuries we are afforded, but may not have food on their tables at all. Our children as a whole are spoiled and have very little appreciation for even the simple things in life. Teach your children wisely, not only to have gratitude for what they have, but to have gratitude for the problems in the world that we are fortunate enough not to have. Perhaps this will help to strengthen their character enough to see the importance of helping and caring for those less fortunate than us.
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SAYING “I LOVE YOU”: You can never say “I Love You” too many times. Perhaps the three most powerful words in any language. Always end a phone conversation or a bedtime story with an “I Love You”. It seems a bit simplistic as far as principles go, however it could truly set the stage for our children growing up unafraid to express their feelings to another. Many of us have a difficult time with this. There is a wonderful feeling, so natural, that comes to us when we tell another “I Love You”, and of course when someone speaks those wonderful words to us. We must first make our children feel loved, before they can truly understand how to love themselves. Start every morning and end each evening by holding your child close to you and whispering those spirit lifting, powerful words we all need to hear. Just say to them “I Love You”, and perhaps they’ll grow up with a heart of gold and an abundance of love for all.
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Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay’s own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourcefull family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites.
