We all know that relationships are very challenging. 52% of married people reach their 15th anniversary and only 33% reach their 25th anniversary.
I have been counseling individuals and couples for 40 years and I believe that I have discovered a major cause of relationship problems - if not THE major cause.
Simply put, each person makes the other person responsible for his or her feelings and then tries, in various ways, to have control over getting the other person to behave in the ways she or she wants.
When most people get into a relationship, they tend to believe that this person whom they love will finally make them feel safe, secure, adequate and lovable. Because most people do not know how to make themselves feel safe, secure, adequate and lovable, and because many people came from families that did not provide this, they each believe that it needs to be provided by the other person.
The other person might try very hard to provide this. Imagine that you have a partner who is very kind and caring. But imagine that you are very critical of yourself. While your partner’s caring feels good, as long as you are judging yourself, you will feel […]

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